I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
