Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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