know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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