Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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