and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
