I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
