He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
