There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
