my soul wont recognize me after tonight
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
