capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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