it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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