Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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