I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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