The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
