She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
