I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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