Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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