lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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