I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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