Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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