Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
