I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
