These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
