Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
