pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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