Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
