OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
