I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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