I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
