Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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