I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
