Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
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My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
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So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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