I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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