just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
