zippers are such a cool invention
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
