Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
