I faked an abortion last night.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.