What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed