OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year