why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
