That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain