Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.