The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
