Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you win again, gameday.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
