Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
