I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Say something about gay babies.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
