So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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