i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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