broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
