I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
