why im i the only drunk person in the library?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
