I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
