we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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