How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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