the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
