Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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