Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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