The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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