Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
