Barsexuality is the new black.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
