the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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