I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
