I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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