Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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