Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
