The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
