which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
