11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
