Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
