If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
