Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
