Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
